Moving Forward

Don't let your past take more time than it deserves.

This is something high school has taught me, and I've made a really strong effort to not dwell on what I've left behind. However, this isn't as easy as getting a bad grade on a test, and saying, "I won't let this hold me down; I'll use it as motivation to study harder next time." Imagine saying that every single day, each hardship wearing at your positivity and lowering your emotional stamina.

Doesn't sound fun, does it? I was bullied all the way up to freshman year of high school, starting in kindergarten. Yes, surprisingly even kindergarteners are fully capable of being unkind. I distinctly remember a group of girls giggling in the coat closet one day, and I recall asking to join them. They asked me if I was tired, and I promised that I wasn't. Then they told me I couldn't join their "closet club" because they were all sleepy and I was awake, which made me different. They pretended to fall asleep until I had trudged away, staring at my light-up sneakers so I wouldn't cry.

I have too many somber stories to recount, and besides, that's not the point of this blog post. As you can imagine, with each snide comment, exclusion, and feeling of being unwanted, my confidence sunk lower and lower. When I finally reached high school, I was terrified that I wouldn't meet any new friends. Yet at the same time, I was tired of being fake and hiding behind a shell in order to get people to like me. It was then that I realized I needed to balance being true to myself and being able to understand my limits. And doing so meant completely letting go of the past. I can't say that I immediately through caution to the wind and dove into high school life; I still had some grudges, and my confidence was still pretty shot. But I began to slowly turn my focus toward the present and future, instead of the past. I was able to make friends, join clubs, and let my personality show. It wasn't perfect, but the experience I had was so much stronger and healthier than my previous years.

I don't consider myself to be breathtakingly popular, dazzlingly cool, or strikingly gorgeous. But I can finally say that I am 100% authentic, and that is a feat worthy of my confidence. I said this before, but I don't think I can stress it enough- don't let your past take more time than it deserves. I have an exciting future at an amazing college, and right now my life is nothing but smiles. Yes, I had a really rough time. Yes, my confidence was really low. But at the moment, there's only bright skies and a promising horizon. My past is going to stay where it belongs; it's time to move on.