Destiny, dear heart

Eight days and three hours and fifty-five minutes. Because of what’s going to be happening in a week (attending the Disney College Program, for those few who I haven’t ranted endlessly to about my excitement) I have decided to pick up blogging again. While I haven’t started packing, and still have a few more forms to halfheartedly skim through and sign, my heart couldn’t be more ready. I should know- it starts racing like I’m being chased by demon cauliflowers whenever I think about my nearing trip. Some people might mistake this for fear, but by now I know better. My body is just preparing itself to be better, stronger. My heart is sending me signals that it is strong and courageous and ready for this princess-filled adventure. After volunteering in South Africa, I have learned that the more your heart beats for something, the worthier it is of your time and the more it will make you a better person. Now, I’m not talking about things like entering a worm eating contest or free-falling from an airplane. Though more power to you if that’s what you want in life. It’s those life changing, good-doing, out of your comfort zone adventures that can really let fear in. A month or so before my trip to South Africa, I was nearly convinced by a friend that I should cancel everything. It was far too dangerous, too much money, and a waste of time- what use does a communications major have with baby baboons? Did I want to get kidnapped? It was terrifying, these potential endings to what was supposed to be a fairy tale adventure. But after all the lectures and 3 AM nightmares, I still would not give in to my racing heart. This was my organ inside my body and it was going to listen to me. I would not choose fear as a way of deciding my life. As you’re probably more than aware, my time in South Africa was amazing, life changing, blah blah blah, cue the cliché Facebook statuses and pictures of my favorite monkeys. So I’ve decided to make all my decisions with bravery- you see despite my aversion to conflicts and anything that might have a negative outcome, there is a lion inside of me. A very small one, as I still can’t break five foot two. But when I feel that something is meant to happen, it roars until my heart starts pounding so I can spring into action. Your typical destiny-conquering stuff. So while spending the next five months in a new place with new people is, well, new, I am unabashedly unafraid. When my heart wakes me up at odd hours during the night, having some sort of wild fiesta under my ribcage, I whisper, “It’s ok. We’ll be there soon.” When I first saw the Disney College Program online, the lion inside of me roared and roared and roared. Forget anxiety. Forget fear in all of its misguided help. And forget my creative writing teacher’s lessons about the dangers of clichés. (For now). This is destiny, dear heart. Get ready.