I Love All Of You

I post quite extensively on social media about how life is beautiful and how you are beautiful, and how happy I am. These statements are true of course, but I sometimes neglect to mention that there is more to the world than glittery sunshine with pots of gold and Lisa Frank rainbows. I usually fail to bring up my anxiety disorder. How I can’t walk into a room of people without assuming everyone low-key hates me. That doesn’t make my happiness any less truthful or valid. Society teaches us to only show our smiles to the world, not the rest of our stunningly human messes. And social media only engenders this to an unhealthy degree. Look at us and how happy we are, and how perfect everything is! Cue perfect lighting, perfect angles, perfectly worded statuses. Which is all completely ok! Better than ok! I am so happy you have these gifts in your life! AND also your life is not what I just described. Maybe you have anxiety too. Or something else. My stunningly messy human friends, I love you so extensively for ALL of your emotions. You are beautiful when you are belly laughing. Or crying with snot dangling from your nose. When you feel like you are the only person in the world. Or are cripplingly afraid. Your emotions are so valid and necessary. You are alive and that is so hella cool. We have such messes and they are so much deeper and more meaningful than just happiness. Love yourself for everything that you are, or maybe just start smaller by loving a few things at a time. Totally fine. You are not there yet, and that is just as beautiful as the final product. You are an art form unfolding. I am not defined by my rambling (but well-intentioned) pep talks, where I practically sing Disney-style about how much I love everyone. Or by my time spent sobbing and gasping for air on the tiles of bathroom floors, feeling breathless and alone. Maybe as humans we’re not meant to be defined at all. Like when you say, “Oh, so-and-so, she’s so ____ all the time!” Maybe she’s not. She’s everything all the time, she is light and chaos and human. It is so beautiful and shitty to be human. Isn’t that cool? I am so anxious and so happy and I love you so much, sometimes all at once. So maybe you just want to use social media to portray the joy in your life. Totally valid! And so next time you’re comparing yourself to someone else’s majestic timeline (they’re so eloquent! So well-travelled! So photogenic!) take a step back and realize that they’re also not sharing the rest of their mess. They are so much more than a list of accomplishments on a two-dimensional screen. Maybe they’re allergic to Chinese food, and have a fear of thunderstorms. Who knows? It doesn’t make them any less wonderful, but it definitely makes them human. Let’s go back to that time earlier in this post, where I told you that you were an art form unfolding. Maybe I stole that from somewhere (?) but I really like it. Is that pretentious to say? Yep! Am I still proud? Yep! You are so beautiful- every piece of you. Remember that you are made up of so many delightful, sparkling things and they shine out through your eyes and have the capability to change the world. So go for it. You are messy and deep and beautiful and powerful and have a gift to offer. Be freely exuberant and terrified and furious and broken and strong. I love all of you.