Self-sacrifice (sabotage)

I tell myself I am powerful.

I hold me in my arms.

Lovingly, powerfully,

my mistakes wipe their own tears.

My back straightens

it’s never minded gravity anyway.

I am so afraid

of everything.

Despite love

and its pungent, flowering

soliloquies

life is gutting,

mashes my stomach and

heart.

I wish I was dangerous

or a sea urchin

but my tongue ladles no poison,

cradling my heart rate

with shushes and tender

frustration

is a full time job.

If you asked for my

lungs,

I’d slit them from my chest

With that same self-pitying smile

I shoot my reflection.

My life is not mine

 but I tell myself I am powerful

just in case it’s true.